I'm going to describe someone who is very important for me and I like to take care. He is a twister, one day maybe you can find him crying, another day laughing. This is the most important thing that I have to say about him, and I like it. But sometimes It gets hard and hurts because you're looking at him and you know he is crying (maybe inside) but you can't do anything, and I know that I am not the best person in this world but It is how I'd do something. He is special too because when he is sad or he doesn't want to talk with you, you can find him in one place, maybe always the same, playing videogames.
Peer response by Incihar Hotamar
I really like the way you convey the feeling in this paragraph; the way you set the mood is very good. However there are some small problems, such as the part that starts with "I am not the best person in this world", that part is not very clear as I am having trouble understanding that sentence. Also your conclusion doesn't have a solid ground so it doesn't sound like you are done writing. But all in all, even though you have problems of clarity, the tore you've set in the beginning coways the message nicely.
Best wishes,
Effy.
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